Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Presidential Debate #1 Drinking Game

Tonight is the first of three presidential debates, and while everyone agrees the main event is really Uncle Joe versus Paul Ryan Hayek, your editors felt a drinking game was necessary. So without further ado, here are the drinking game rules for Presidential Debate #1.

- When Romney starts his opening statement take a shot of milk.
- When Obama starts his opening statement take two shots of Evan Williams whiskey, to compensate for Romney's sobriety and Obama is a "man of the people".

- Every time a candidate says the word "Jobs" put a nickel in your pocket. You're going to need the savings after your laid off.

- Every time stimulus is mentioned take a swig of beer and tweak your nipple

- Every time Romney has a zinger take a shot of Jaegermiester and roll your eyes

- Every time Obama or Romney says "Obamacare" lick the bar. Don't worry, you're most likely covered by insurance now.
- If you're a woman, take your free birth control pill with a cosmo chase

- Every time Salt Lake City Olympics are mentioned, enjoy a cup of hot cocoa with extra government subsidized sugar to really sweeten its success. 

- Every time Obama says Osama finish your beer.
- Every time Romney says Osama, but means Obama smash your glass over the head of the person to your right

- Every time Obama or Romney talks about their "plan" for anything, spin in place three times. When you stop and are dizzy the explanation of the plan will make perfect sense.

- Every time Romney speaks to his kinship with the one of seven states he claims to be from chug a beer from that state.
- Every time you hear the words "business" or "equity" order a glass of scotch and light a dollar bill on fire.

- Every time Romney mentions "apologizing for America," drink a Budweiser and thank God you can still have all American beer. Wait, maybe not.

- If Obama mentions Romney's taxes, returns, or rate, finish your drink and flee the bar without paying your tab.

- When the Republicans in the audience violate the rules by cheering or booing, have an old fashion and lament what could have been had this President recognized the futility of working with the GOP at the outset. 

- Anytime Obama mentions the 47% tell the barkeep to put your drinks on the government tab

- Anytime "you didn't build that" comes up yell, "Take your government hands off my Medicare!" at the top of your lungs. Take a shot of schnapps for medicinal purposes.

Finally, when the debate is over and the candidates shake hands, order a bottle of Tsing Tao because we're all going to belong to the Chinese regardless of the election.