Tuesday, January 24, 2012

DCExile's 2012 State of the Union Drinking Game

It’s that time again--the President’s Annual State of the Union Address. And, with it, time for DCExile’s Annual State of the Union Drinking Game. His is mandated by Article 2, Section 3 of the U.S. Constitution. Ours is derived from an even hoarier source of law: custom. And, as the Sergeant at Arms announces the President’s entry into the House of Representatives, allow us to convene our tradition: Ladies and Gentleman, the DCExile State of the Union Drinking Game:

  • During the pre-game--err, we mean pre-speech--show, drink one sip of beer each time the Republican Primary is mentioned
  • During the pre-game show, drink one sip of beer each time a candidate in the Republican Primary is compared with the President
  • During the pre-game every time “wife” is preceded by a numerical qualifier, take a sip.  When it applies to Gingrigh, drink a boilermaker.  (Newt Gingrich, doing Pennsylvania proud since he decided to claim residency in a different state)
  • During the pre-game show, drink half your beer anytime a former Republican candidate is mentioned
  • Anytime “Fair Shake” is compared to “the New Deal,” “the Fair Deal,” “the Square Deal,” or any other deal, have a shot of beer
  • If the State of the Union is likened to your high school prom, drink from a plastic handle of vodka that cost no more than $12 (DCExile recommends Rubinoff)
  • One shot of Old Grand-Dad if the Sergeant at Arms appears to have not aged since the last State of the Union
  • As the President and Leadership walk down the aisle, drink one sip of beer each time Speaker Boehner winks at someone; one Shirley Temple each time a tear comes to Boehner’s eye -- in fact, apply this rule throughout the State of the Union Address
  • When Al Green is in the camera shot (and he will be), sing Here I am Baby into the mouth of your beer can like a microphone.
  • One shot of schnapps every time the First Lady and Invitees are shown
  • Shotgun a beer for “The State of our Union is Strong” or any variation thereon
  • Anytime the Republican members of Congress do something disrespectful that would have been considered treason under the George W. Bush administration, one shot of whiskey; throw the shot glass at the wall.
  • Half a beer for each standing ovation
  • Guzzle for Democrat-only standing ovation
  • Pinky out sip for Republican-only standing ovation (Look mom, Log Cabin Republicans do exist!)
  • Celebratory shot of tequila anytime there is bipartisan clapping
  • Every time the President says “challenge” or “challenged” spin around three times and drink half a beer.
  • “Fair Shake” = Shotgun a Beer
  • Every time the President says “Wall Street” fire off two desk pops and finish your beer.
  • Every time the President says “Main Street” exclaim, “I’m not licked!” and finish your beer.
  • Every time the payroll tax cut extension is mentioned, sip of beer (hey, we’re not trying to kill you)
  • If health care reform is mentioned, drink whiskey twice: once in celebration because it’s the water of life; once in disgust because you know the remaining Blue Dogs are going to run away from it
  • He says Iran, you drink Shiraz
  • He says Arab Spring (or Egypt or Libya or Syria or Yemen), you drink tea, smoke a hookah, and sneak a sip of beer
  • We hear Euro Crisis and you taste schnapps again
  • If Biden falls asleep in the background, email in sick to work the next day and declare a case day.

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